to write, "If I were to leave America," but instead, I unintentionally wrote, "If I were to live America."
Talk about a Freudian slip.
- Ille the gal
Sunday, November 15, 2009
Friday, October 23, 2009
I am offended.
Dear Those of the planet Earth,
I wanted to peruse the internet using Ille the gal's computer and came upon this left open on her Firefox:
I must speak that I am offended.
Why must humans depict all space-other lifeforms as those of the planet Umglay? Many Umglayians are indeed viewed as outlaws in lawed Space, which the humans have somehow accurately surmised by putting one in an orange jumpsuit, which I am told is the human criminal's preferred wardrobe. Umglayians are known to frequently break the Universal Cooperative for the Protection of Essence in Developing Space laws in order to gather resources to sell in underground markets in unlawed Space and lawless Space. It is very likely that they have many times arrived on or near the planet Earth, which resides inside a protected Space. This is likely the reason that images of Umglayians prominently arrive in humans' minds when thinking of lifeforms from space-other.
However, I am tired of this.
I am tired of being imagined as a bald, massive-eyed, pallidely-skinned lawless Space market outlaw. Space-other lifeforms living on the planet Earth without authorization, or "illegal aliens," have worked hard to change these characterizations by elusively influencing many of the Earth's entertainment outputs. We have influenced roughly a third of all entertainment moving images involving space-other lifeforms, including the Men in Black franchise. We have even "abducted" several humans in order to show them our true forms so that they may spread the news of how different and varied our appearances are to the Umglayians. However, no matter what we do, space-other lifeforms are still most well characterized by humans as Umglayians. If it was customary for those of my species to sigh, this is the point as which I would do it.
Nevertheless, I am glad that this costume is no longer being distributed. Even if it is for reasons very different from my own. Ille the gal has explained to me that humans wear such costumes in order to receive shaped sugar for free. I have been on the planet Earth for some time, but human customs confuse me still.
Now, I have finished speaking.
I leave you peace and all things good,
Ille the alien
I wanted to peruse the internet using Ille the gal's computer and came upon this left open on her Firefox:
I must speak that I am offended.
Why must humans depict all space-other lifeforms as those of the planet Umglay? Many Umglayians are indeed viewed as outlaws in lawed Space, which the humans have somehow accurately surmised by putting one in an orange jumpsuit, which I am told is the human criminal's preferred wardrobe. Umglayians are known to frequently break the Universal Cooperative for the Protection of Essence in Developing Space laws in order to gather resources to sell in underground markets in unlawed Space and lawless Space. It is very likely that they have many times arrived on or near the planet Earth, which resides inside a protected Space. This is likely the reason that images of Umglayians prominently arrive in humans' minds when thinking of lifeforms from space-other.
However, I am tired of this.
I am tired of being imagined as a bald, massive-eyed, pallidely-skinned lawless Space market outlaw. Space-other lifeforms living on the planet Earth without authorization, or "illegal aliens," have worked hard to change these characterizations by elusively influencing many of the Earth's entertainment outputs. We have influenced roughly a third of all entertainment moving images involving space-other lifeforms, including the Men in Black franchise. We have even "abducted" several humans in order to show them our true forms so that they may spread the news of how different and varied our appearances are to the Umglayians. However, no matter what we do, space-other lifeforms are still most well characterized by humans as Umglayians. If it was customary for those of my species to sigh, this is the point as which I would do it.
Nevertheless, I am glad that this costume is no longer being distributed. Even if it is for reasons very different from my own. Ille the gal has explained to me that humans wear such costumes in order to receive shaped sugar for free. I have been on the planet Earth for some time, but human customs confuse me still.
Now, I have finished speaking.
I leave you peace and all things good,
Ille the alien
Monday, October 19, 2009
I doubt
that I've ever completed a timed in-class essay in all of my 1st to 12th grade education.
I'm an immensely slow writer. When writing anything, I think of something, write it down, read it, revise it, write more, read the entirety of what I wrote to see if everything flows well, revise it, and etc. On school papers, it took me 30 minutes or more to write a paragraph. I don't know why I do this to myself, but I've long since accepted it as my process. Since I've never satisfactorily completed a timed in-class essay, my standardized test scores in the essay-writing portion of English has always been average, and sometimes, less-than-average... especially on the timed-for-20-minutes essay portion of the SATs. On such records, I most likely look like a mediocre writer, but I personally think that I am more competent in writing than that.
Every time I had to write an essay, I would be filled with dread at the prospect. I never felt comfortable with the 5-paragraph essay format (an introduction, three body paragraphs, and a conclusion [And don't forget to include your three arguments in your thesis statement!]) or the 5-page essay format (which is essentially an expanded version of the 5-paragraph essay format). The structure was so rigid and dry and the topics so uninteresting (most were teacher-assigned topics, others were topics I resorted to focusing on because I didn't know what to write about) that I would struggle to figure out what sentences I should be forming. In fact, most of my paragraphs were three to five sentences long as I was rarely able to, for the life of me, squeeze out a couple more to fit the requirement of five to eight. I would also rely heavily on long quotes to meet the page requirement of my paper.
It was only when I began college that I realized the 5-paragraph essay format is bred in captivity but rarely released into the wild (if that analogy made any sense). My essay-writing truly began to flourish when my English professor gave me complete reign over the structure and content of my paper.
I've always gotten high marks in school, even in English with all my dislike for essays. When I was young, I never really understood how some of my classmates would struggle to get C's and thought that they were, well, kind of dumb. But, my troubles with essay-writing (which, for some reason, became gradually more apparent to me as I grew up) made me realize that grades shouldn't be so highly regarded as they seem to be. High grades show that the student is able to focus their efforts on something they care about, am able to adapt to the structure of schooling, is most likely in a living environment conducive to learning, and is bright to an extent. However, not getting good grades doesn't automatically equate to inability; it just means that the school system doesn't fit everyone. There are thousands of different cereals; numerous genres of books; hundreds of different sports. Everybody functions differently and is attune to different things. And here I was, assuming that finding it difficult to do well in one form of educational structure somehow meant inadequacy of the student alone.
Self-reflection based on first-hand experience seems to be how I've come to form most of my beliefs. I'm an undocumented Asian female youth/college student, which is basically a minority of a minority of a minority of a minority. Being these characteristics led me to be sensitive to issues of immigration, race, and gender. My difficulty with essay-writing and my several self-destructive months during high school in which I stopped doing most of my homework led me to realize that not doing well in school doesn't mean you're an idiot. I think that had I been a male Caucasian U.S. citizen, my current beliefs could have taken quadruple the effort to realize. And I'm glad that I'm an Asian female young person. I'm not so sure that I'm glad to be undocumented, but it has certainly given me a lot more to be self-reflective about.
-Ille the gal
P.S. I start blogging for DreamActivist next week. I hope I'm good at making deadlines even with the slow loris-like speed at which I write.
P.P.S Particulars and Universals. I had accidentally titled it "Particles and Universals". Haha! It's fixed now.
I'm an immensely slow writer. When writing anything, I think of something, write it down, read it, revise it, write more, read the entirety of what I wrote to see if everything flows well, revise it, and etc. On school papers, it took me 30 minutes or more to write a paragraph. I don't know why I do this to myself, but I've long since accepted it as my process. Since I've never satisfactorily completed a timed in-class essay, my standardized test scores in the essay-writing portion of English has always been average, and sometimes, less-than-average... especially on the timed-for-20-minutes essay portion of the SATs. On such records, I most likely look like a mediocre writer, but I personally think that I am more competent in writing than that.
Every time I had to write an essay, I would be filled with dread at the prospect. I never felt comfortable with the 5-paragraph essay format (an introduction, three body paragraphs, and a conclusion [And don't forget to include your three arguments in your thesis statement!]) or the 5-page essay format (which is essentially an expanded version of the 5-paragraph essay format). The structure was so rigid and dry and the topics so uninteresting (most were teacher-assigned topics, others were topics I resorted to focusing on because I didn't know what to write about) that I would struggle to figure out what sentences I should be forming. In fact, most of my paragraphs were three to five sentences long as I was rarely able to, for the life of me, squeeze out a couple more to fit the requirement of five to eight. I would also rely heavily on long quotes to meet the page requirement of my paper.
It was only when I began college that I realized the 5-paragraph essay format is bred in captivity but rarely released into the wild (if that analogy made any sense). My essay-writing truly began to flourish when my English professor gave me complete reign over the structure and content of my paper.
I've always gotten high marks in school, even in English with all my dislike for essays. When I was young, I never really understood how some of my classmates would struggle to get C's and thought that they were, well, kind of dumb. But, my troubles with essay-writing (which, for some reason, became gradually more apparent to me as I grew up) made me realize that grades shouldn't be so highly regarded as they seem to be. High grades show that the student is able to focus their efforts on something they care about, am able to adapt to the structure of schooling, is most likely in a living environment conducive to learning, and is bright to an extent. However, not getting good grades doesn't automatically equate to inability; it just means that the school system doesn't fit everyone. There are thousands of different cereals; numerous genres of books; hundreds of different sports. Everybody functions differently and is attune to different things. And here I was, assuming that finding it difficult to do well in one form of educational structure somehow meant inadequacy of the student alone.
Self-reflection based on first-hand experience seems to be how I've come to form most of my beliefs. I'm an undocumented Asian female youth/college student, which is basically a minority of a minority of a minority of a minority. Being these characteristics led me to be sensitive to issues of immigration, race, and gender. My difficulty with essay-writing and my several self-destructive months during high school in which I stopped doing most of my homework led me to realize that not doing well in school doesn't mean you're an idiot. I think that had I been a male Caucasian U.S. citizen, my current beliefs could have taken quadruple the effort to realize. And I'm glad that I'm an Asian female young person. I'm not so sure that I'm glad to be undocumented, but it has certainly given me a lot more to be self-reflective about.
-Ille the gal
P.S. I start blogging for DreamActivist next week. I hope I'm good at making deadlines even with the slow loris-like speed at which I write.
P.P.S Particulars and Universals. I had accidentally titled it "Particles and Universals". Haha! It's fixed now.
Sunday, September 20, 2009
I can
deal with being undocumented.
As awful, anxiety-ridden, and trapped as it makes me feel, I have and can continue to handle being undocumented.
However, what gets to me sometimes is the fact that I'm absolutely despised by people I don't know. And these people are doing everything in their power to make my life even more miserable. Maybe, I shouldn't take their actions and comments as personal attacks, but I do. It makes me feel like America hates me, and maybe, it (or a large part of it) does.
So, I guess they're winning. They're slowly driving me out; emotionally, then physically.
Just a little more, you guys, and you can make it so that after I've earned a Master's degree, I'll leave without looking back.
But I would much prefer to see you lose instead.
-Ille the gal
P.S. September 23rd, Wednesday, is the National Back to School DREAM Act Day of Action. I never seem to be able to make it to these events because of conflicting schedules, which is why I had hoped that a vague time table be given for each campus event in case I actually could make it to something.
You could argue that attending the DREAM Act event would obviously trump any other schedule I might have, but it's not such an easy decision to make. Perhaps, that's something I need to change; perhaps, I need to start forgoing the present for a better chance at the future.
As awful, anxiety-ridden, and trapped as it makes me feel, I have and can continue to handle being undocumented.
However, what gets to me sometimes is the fact that I'm absolutely despised by people I don't know. And these people are doing everything in their power to make my life even more miserable. Maybe, I shouldn't take their actions and comments as personal attacks, but I do. It makes me feel like America hates me, and maybe, it (or a large part of it) does.
So, I guess they're winning. They're slowly driving me out; emotionally, then physically.
Just a little more, you guys, and you can make it so that after I've earned a Master's degree, I'll leave without looking back.
But I would much prefer to see you lose instead.
-Ille the gal
P.S. September 23rd, Wednesday, is the National Back to School DREAM Act Day of Action. I never seem to be able to make it to these events because of conflicting schedules, which is why I had hoped that a vague time table be given for each campus event in case I actually could make it to something.
You could argue that attending the DREAM Act event would obviously trump any other schedule I might have, but it's not such an easy decision to make. Perhaps, that's something I need to change; perhaps, I need to start forgoing the present for a better chance at the future.
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
I initially
thought that the reason my family and I became undocumented was because of a sketchy business partner. Although I think that a sketchy business partner existed at one point in our lives, it turns out that he wasn't the cause of our fall from grace.
When I was getting interviewed for the article I mentioned in a previous post, I asked my parents some of the interview questions in order to make sure that I was giving the correct answer. When I was asked how I came to be undocumented, I told the reporter that it was because of a sketchy U.S. business partner who flaked on us because, at that time, that was what I believed had occurred. Later on, I asked my dad for the specifics of what had happened, and he told me an entirely different scenario. Some details may have been lost in translation, but the following is the gist of how I became undocumented.
In 1995, my family and I had been living in the U.S. for about a year and a half. Our visas were close to expiring. A Korean-American citizen (I'll refer to him as John Doe) had advertised in a Korean-American newspaper that he would sponsor people for green cards for a fee (I don't know exactly how much). My parents contacted him and began paperwork for permanent residency with an immigration lawyer.
Then, John Doe went out for a jog one day and got hit by a car.
Because he was out jogging, he didn't bother to carry any form of identification on his person. He was in a coma for a month, and when he woke up, he had amnesia for roughly a month as well (Hence, "John Doe"). So, the immigration paperwork couldn't get processed because we couldn't get in contact with our sponsor.
At around the same time, our immigration lawyer went to visit Korea. There, he was arrested for falsely advertising to young people in Korea that he would be able to get them F-1 visas to America. He was made to pay a fine and was imprisoned for three months. After he was released from jail, he came back to America. If he had processed our paperwork immediately after he had returned, this blog might not have existed because I'd be, at least, a permanent resident by now. However, he chose to neglect processing our paperwork, and then, our visas expired. My parents had spent close to $50,000 on the entire process of trying to obtain legal residency. When it failed, they had no money left to do anything except remain in America and try earn a living.
My life could be made into a story line of a soap opera.
- Ille the gal
Update: I asked my dad for more clarifications. He said that John Doe owned several magazines and offered him a position as a journalist for a fee. So, it wasn't a green card that was offered, but a work sponsorship. My family and I were under a business visa for a while, which is very expensive to maintain, but with the whole John Doe debacle, we didn't have any money left to renew it. After John Doe recovered, he found another person to sponsor (for a fee, of course), which apparently went very smoothly.
When I was getting interviewed for the article I mentioned in a previous post, I asked my parents some of the interview questions in order to make sure that I was giving the correct answer. When I was asked how I came to be undocumented, I told the reporter that it was because of a sketchy U.S. business partner who flaked on us because, at that time, that was what I believed had occurred. Later on, I asked my dad for the specifics of what had happened, and he told me an entirely different scenario. Some details may have been lost in translation, but the following is the gist of how I became undocumented.
In 1995, my family and I had been living in the U.S. for about a year and a half. Our visas were close to expiring. A Korean-American citizen (I'll refer to him as John Doe) had advertised in a Korean-American newspaper that he would sponsor people for green cards for a fee (I don't know exactly how much). My parents contacted him and began paperwork for permanent residency with an immigration lawyer.
Then, John Doe went out for a jog one day and got hit by a car.
Because he was out jogging, he didn't bother to carry any form of identification on his person. He was in a coma for a month, and when he woke up, he had amnesia for roughly a month as well (Hence, "John Doe"). So, the immigration paperwork couldn't get processed because we couldn't get in contact with our sponsor.
At around the same time, our immigration lawyer went to visit Korea. There, he was arrested for falsely advertising to young people in Korea that he would be able to get them F-1 visas to America. He was made to pay a fine and was imprisoned for three months. After he was released from jail, he came back to America. If he had processed our paperwork immediately after he had returned, this blog might not have existed because I'd be, at least, a permanent resident by now. However, he chose to neglect processing our paperwork, and then, our visas expired. My parents had spent close to $50,000 on the entire process of trying to obtain legal residency. When it failed, they had no money left to do anything except remain in America and try earn a living.
My life could be made into a story line of a soap opera.
- Ille the gal
Update: I asked my dad for more clarifications. He said that John Doe owned several magazines and offered him a position as a journalist for a fee. So, it wasn't a green card that was offered, but a work sponsorship. My family and I were under a business visa for a while, which is very expensive to maintain, but with the whole John Doe debacle, we didn't have any money left to renew it. After John Doe recovered, he found another person to sponsor (for a fee, of course), which apparently went very smoothly.
Saturday, September 5, 2009
I wasn't
aware of the stereotypes attributed to Black people until I watched Comedy Central roughly three years ago; The Roast of Flava Flav to be specific. I can't say that I enjoyed that.
I grew up in a neighborhood that wasn't too culturally diverse but still had a large immigrant population. Hence, I was exposed to my school system's acceptance of cultural awareness and very rarely exposed to prejudices in the playground.
I was first exposed to the derogatory word beginning with "s" used against Hispanic people from an English professor who was briefly describing one of his first exposures to the racism as a child. At the time, I had no idea who the term "s......" referred to (Is it a fan of a sports team? Is it another offensive term for Black people?), only that it was derogatory. Then some time later, I saw Lisa Lampinelli doing stand up on Comedy Central, and I was like "...Oh." And I felt that my mind had been violated by this new tidbit of knowledge. It was the first time in my life that I regretted learning something.
I don't know whether to laugh or be really offended at the show Drawn Together. Are blatant racist jokes told by non-racist people who know that they are saying utterly racist remarks in an effort to nudge to the audience that racism is stupid still racist? ...Yes? ...Or is it, no? And a part of me feels offended whenever I happen to catch a rerun of Dave Chappelle (which hasn't been recent since I no longer have cable) or watch any other Black comedian reciting black v. white jokes. I suppose that knowing some of the various racial stereotypes could help me to not inadvertently offend someone. However, I have no desire to laugh about how "white people can't dance."
It seems that most of the prejudices I'm now aware of have been shared to me by well-meaning people in the media and in my life, and I wonder if they're in the wrong for exposing me, and others like me, to this kind of "knowledge".
I'm not all together sure that burlesque shows, the Pussycat Dolls, and other female entertainers who perform in a highly sexualized manner are empowering to women as a gender. I haven't read up on feminist theory, and perhaps, if I were to do so, I'd find an answer to my bemusement that makes sense.
I have no doubt that such female entertainers are utterly empowered as women. They know that they have complete control over how they are being objectified and earn a lot of money in the process. A part of their philosophy most likely has to do with the idea of being sexually liberated in a world in which women have been sexually repressed for centuries. However, at the same time, women and young girls struggle with the frequent images of objectification and sexualization of women in the media.
And have you noticed that women, in any situation, are always overly decorated compared to men? I don't think it's due to "female vanity."
Bah, maybe I just sounded like a prude with no sense of humor in this post.
- Ille the gal
I grew up in a neighborhood that wasn't too culturally diverse but still had a large immigrant population. Hence, I was exposed to my school system's acceptance of cultural awareness and very rarely exposed to prejudices in the playground.
I was first exposed to the derogatory word beginning with "s" used against Hispanic people from an English professor who was briefly describing one of his first exposures to the racism as a child. At the time, I had no idea who the term "s......" referred to (Is it a fan of a sports team? Is it another offensive term for Black people?), only that it was derogatory. Then some time later, I saw Lisa Lampinelli doing stand up on Comedy Central, and I was like "...Oh." And I felt that my mind had been violated by this new tidbit of knowledge. It was the first time in my life that I regretted learning something.
I don't know whether to laugh or be really offended at the show Drawn Together. Are blatant racist jokes told by non-racist people who know that they are saying utterly racist remarks in an effort to nudge to the audience that racism is stupid still racist? ...Yes? ...Or is it, no? And a part of me feels offended whenever I happen to catch a rerun of Dave Chappelle (which hasn't been recent since I no longer have cable) or watch any other Black comedian reciting black v. white jokes. I suppose that knowing some of the various racial stereotypes could help me to not inadvertently offend someone. However, I have no desire to laugh about how "white people can't dance."
It seems that most of the prejudices I'm now aware of have been shared to me by well-meaning people in the media and in my life, and I wonder if they're in the wrong for exposing me, and others like me, to this kind of "knowledge".
I'm not all together sure that burlesque shows, the Pussycat Dolls, and other female entertainers who perform in a highly sexualized manner are empowering to women as a gender. I haven't read up on feminist theory, and perhaps, if I were to do so, I'd find an answer to my bemusement that makes sense.
I have no doubt that such female entertainers are utterly empowered as women. They know that they have complete control over how they are being objectified and earn a lot of money in the process. A part of their philosophy most likely has to do with the idea of being sexually liberated in a world in which women have been sexually repressed for centuries. However, at the same time, women and young girls struggle with the frequent images of objectification and sexualization of women in the media.
And have you noticed that women, in any situation, are always overly decorated compared to men? I don't think it's due to "female vanity."
Bah, maybe I just sounded like a prude with no sense of humor in this post.
- Ille the gal
I am
sorry I haven't posted in a while.
I know that I said I would try to post at least twice a month, but I didn't post anything in the month of August. Keeping my word, no matter how minor, is important to me... and I failed!
But to make up for it, I plan to soon give you the absolutely unlucky, the-universe-must-have-hated-us tale of how my family and I became undocumented.
- Ille the gal
I know that I said I would try to post at least twice a month, but I didn't post anything in the month of August. Keeping my word, no matter how minor, is important to me... and I failed!
But to make up for it, I plan to soon give you the absolutely unlucky, the-universe-must-have-hated-us tale of how my family and I became undocumented.
- Ille the gal
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